Jupiter in Scorpio and the eighth house
I threw the Astrodice, with the question: “What should I meditate on now?”
I got Jupiter, Scorpio and the eighth house. I didn’t like it too much.
Jupiter is a teacher. It would come to me later, to help me understand Scorpio and the 8th house better.
“Later” happened on the bus. I felt a tightening in my chest. Anxiety or heart attack? I’ve never had a heart attack, as far as I know. I’ve had panic attacks manifesting as the feeling that there is something wrong in there in the past. A few years ago, I felt so bad that I went to the hospital. I had nothing, and I passed off as an attention seeker.
I told myself it was most probably just anxiety.
I watched the people on the bus. They looked alright. They seemed to feel secure, well anchored in their bodies. I felt that mine might just break down, something inside would get torn, I would find myself like a wingless bird floating above a collapsed nest, about to be carried away by I don’t know what whirlpool…
I could tell myself that it was most probably not happening, that it was just one of these moments, that this one too would pass etc. But I could also tell myself that one day, sooner or later, death will come. One day, there will be no passing of the panic attack.
On that day, I better be able to stand firm within myself and witness the flesh getting torn apart without getting torn apart with it. Holding on to the present moment and see… Santa Maria, a bit of help is welcome please!
Jupiter in Scorpio. If Jupiter is a teacher, this teaching is not an intellectual one. It’s more like training. Remembering where there is trust inside, how to call, pray, reconnect with a hidden dimension, call it spirit, a place where consciousness and eternity live together in peace…
This one too passed, I was just a guy standing on the bus.
Scorpio is a Water sign. Water is creative, but not from scratch. Under the surface lurks stuff that was seeded, planted before, days or ages ago. When we are confronted with it, we might get swallowed, possessed, immersed in states of being that feel like being caught by the monster from the wardrobe.
We don’t need logic but faith, courage, firmness… We need to be able to light our own light and be able to surrender.
As usual, thoughts of compassion for the others, all those souls who live, like us, in breakable and corruptible bodies, help finding the centre. The heart. Recall the heart is the meaning of a pain in the chest.
On the same day the Astrodice gave me Jupiter, Scorpio and 8th house, a friend sent me a sad message. She was so hurt because of love life things that she felt like life was not worth living...
Saying words of despair is not jumping through the window, but they express well how it hurts. The pain is real. I’ve been there, or not far. Feeling betrayed, rejected, treated like worthless, being used and powerless, whilst craving for love. I can understand.
The old scars are still bleeding.
Jupiter is the explorer, the truth seeker. In Scorpio it wants to understand the deep layers and the unprocessed pains they conceal. Understanding is healing.
We have to understand in our flesh, not just intellectually, that a wound is just a wound, not a law of the universe.
We may have to cry, we must be moved to understand intimately.
With the Water element, understanding is swimming.
Jean-Marc
